Look, I appreciate your commitment to being the one who “saw it first, got the obscure t-shirt, now I get to be a douchebag to my friends about it” but unfortunately you’ve fallen into a trap. Admittedly no one will know except you and my stats counter, but you now have to endure the personal shame of being “that asshole” in your heart. I guess you’ll have to go back to the main party, because there’s nothing going on in the back room… yet.

If you genuinely wanted to give me money, then I am guessing you either know me personally or just have money to burn. If it’s the former, then just take me out to dinner. I like food, and you get an hour of me. If it’s the latter, I have some links that I can send you for things I can’t justify myself spending what little money I have on it.


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